When Tinder Presented a Moral Dilemma.

When I downloaded the Tinder app in my final semester, I thought I reached a new low. But when literally everyone around you is in a relationship (even those who’ve sworn against marriage) are happy texting away their significant others, you start to wonder WHEN THE FUCK IS MY TURN.

Hence, I became a Tinder user.

I thought I reached a new low. I questioned how desperate I was. I questioned everything. I questioned whether I was putting my self-worth on a decision of someone swiping left or swiping right.

Tinder meme

Image source: yours truly, meme Mariah

I went on my first Tinder date during Spring break of my final semester. It was my first and last Tinder date. From then on, I realized clicking with someone through text doesn’t necessarily guarantee you’ll click in person. You can’t send cat GIFs in real life.

That’s the biggest flaw in online dating.

I deleted my account right after the date. I was too much of a coward to tell the dude “nope, I did not have a good time on the date”. Coward much.

When 2017 started, with a little urge from some colleagues I reinstalled the app and made a new account. I slowly noticed Tinder in the States and Tinder back home was completely different. All I wanted was to have a decent, intellectual conversation where I could engage in banter with someone but all I got were obnoxious gym selfies.

I’m reminded of my favourite quote from Kenko’s  “A Cup of Sake Beneath the Cherry Trees”:

What happiness to sit in intimate conversation with someone of the like mind, warmed by candid discussion of the amusing and fleeting ways of this world.. but such friend is hard to find, and instead you sit there doing your best to fit in with whatever the other is saying, feeling deeply alone

Such friend (rather Tinder user) was hard to find indeed.

All I wanted was to be excited about books and make sarcastic remarks without offending anyone and fall for someone’s thoughts.

None of that happened. And whenever I would log onto Tinder my hand would assume an automatic swipe left motion. It was like being on autopilot that I even swiped left for someone who was a friend I knew!

I guess that’s how much I became averse to swiping right on people.

But there are one or two good fishes in the sea.

One catch presented me with a moral dilemma which made me ask myself: am I the Tinder other woman?

He ticked all of the boxes for my picky ass self. And for weeks, I finally got to have a great conversation with someone on Tinder.

That all was great until things moved off Tinder and the bomb dropped. Confessing that he actually has a girlfriend and the kicker? He wants to keep talking to me.

I don’t know if it was my anxiety or something else but I freaked out. I kept putting myself in his girlfriend’s shoes. Maybe she’s cool with it but what if she’s not? Does that make me the other woman?

And like any small predicaments I encounter, that question probably came up from anxiety but still.

I know Tinder can be a platform to expand your social circle but if you have a significant other I’m curious, why are you on Tinder? I don’t be to be prudent but do you feel any guilt that you’re on a dating app while you’re solidly in a relationship (well, unless you’re in an open one)?

Maybe I’m just being biased because a close friend was hurt and cheated on by the shmuck being on Tinder. But I don’t know. It works for some but not all of us. Just the lucky few I guess and I fall into the category of the other and even the “almost” other woman.

Since Tinder was a bust (and still is a bust), I’ve been recommended to try out other apps. Gosh, more dating apps=more new lows? We’ll see. But for now, ain’t nobody got time for that *flips hair*


Image source: Tumblr


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